The bird, the one finger salute, the finger…what do they all mean? A hateful non-verbal message. Something along the lines of, I hate you, I hate what you did, I hate what you stand for. But, is the gesture really effective if only the “giver” is the one who “appreciates” the “gesture?”

Every weekday morning I drive one of my kids to school depending on which one is ready to leave first (they go to different schools). On this particular day, I drove to the house, didn’t experience any morning traffic, and tooled in the far right lane of the interstate the whole way since I didn’t have far to go and wasn’t in any particular hurry. I wasn’t changing lanes, not riding anyone’s bumper, not going too slow or fast, and didn’t cut anyone off. Seemed like a pretty uneventful drive to me.

However, as I exited the interstate in the right lane, the person behind me blared their horn, then zoomed past me in the left lane. I looked over and the male driver appeared to be staring at me and giving me that previously mentioned, non-verbal message. I was stunned because, the only thing I could think of was, he must have me confused with someone else. But, then the left lane slowed and my right lane continued moving so that I slowly passed him again. Looking over, he stared directly at me and waved his hand at me.

I gave him an honest, what the heck expression, shrugged my shoulders, raised my open hands in the air, and went on my merry way. Frankly, I was so puzzled, and wanted to feel his pain, that for a brief moment thought about rolling down my window and asking him what he was so upset with me about…but didn’t. After all, if someone is that mad, I would only come across as condescending and antagonizing if I didn’t get it, and that might escalate the situation. I mean, who wants to get shot early in the morning???

However, it got me to wondering…When we are really effective?

Can we be effective if the experience is all contained within ourselves or shared with others who are clueless about the experience, or can we only be effective when other’s notice and benefit or appreciate our actions?

Was he really effective? He didn’t make feel guilty, sad, or apologetic for something I did. And, I, in turn, didn’t give him any satisfaction in my reaction to him.

How did he feel as he blazed off into the sunrise? Did he say to himself that he showed me? Did he wonder about the expression I gave him? Was the experience as unsatisfying for him as it was for me?

And, it wasn’t much of a learning experience for me as I can’t promise I won’t do it again, whatever it was…

Posted in PRB
No Comments Yet Posted by Peter Bloeme